Monday Morning Randomness

I apologize in advance for this post. I stayed up super duper late last night in order to watch the San Francisco Giants win the World Series, so now you people have to deal with the scattered thoughts of a sleepy brain. I’m just thankful that they didn’t lose last night, because then I probably would have stayed up late tonight as well to watch them again. I’m not sure my brain could’ve handled that. And for those of you who were wondering: yes, I was late for work this morning. But it’s not my fault, I totally blame the Giants.  

I decided what I’m going to write my book on. Or at least, I think I decided. I’m guessing that the book-writing process may go like the blog-writing process, where I think I know what I’m going to write about, but then the end result winds up being totally different. So maybe I should just say this: I have a general idea on the topic I would like my book to dance around. And hopefully it will have good enough dance moves to attract some choreographers…a.k.a. publishers. Okay, that was a lame metaphor. Forget I said that.

And no, I’m not going to tell you what the dancing topic is just yet, for two reasons, no wait, three reasons. Reason #1: My husband still hasn’t heard my idea. And he’s my soundboard for all of my ideas. So if he thinks it’s lame, then I’ll probably change it. And if he doesn’t think it’s lame, I still may wind up changing it after we talk about it because I may decide for myself that it sounds lame. Some things sound really good in your head until you speak them out loud. Just sayin’. Reason #2: It’s my idea and you can’t steal it. Haha. I will tell you that it will not be fiction and it will be about God...which means that I will have to do a ton of research on Scripture. I think that will be a really good thing for me though, and hopefully the future readers of my book; even if the only people who read my book are my Mom and my husband…..  Reason #3: I’m a bad dancer. Oh wait, I told you to forget about that metaphor. Forget about Reason #3 as well.

I did start research today on how to write a book and get it published. Well, if you call it research. Really all I did was type into Google: “How to write a book and get it published for dummies” and then clicked on the website at the top of the list. I know, very intelligent of me. I’m off to a great start, aren’t I? Surprisingly though, it was a really great website with all sorts of tips like how many words you should aim for and how you should edit your manuscript. It also listed some helpful books on how to write a book that I apparently should read. Funny, I need to read a book about writing books so that I understand the process of writing a book. But you know what I’ll probably do? Read the book. Because if I’m not going to do things right and give myself a good shot at getting published, then what’s the point of writing it in the first place?

In other news, I made up a new word over the weekend: creeptastic. Roman loves it and you should all make an effort to say it as much as possible when speaking with him. Here are a few examples of how to use it: “That cow is staring at me. That’s really creeptastic.” “Wow, that dude is creeptastic.” “My cats are always prowling around the house. They’re creeptastic.”

Roman may tell you he hates my new word, but in reality he is just mad that he didn’t come up with it first. I’m still trying to figure out how I can incorporate my new word into my book. Also, who knows who I need to contact to get it into the Dictionary? It would be so great for me to use “creeptastic” in a sentence and then pull out the Dictionary and prove it’s a word when someone tries to accuse me of making up stuff. Is it creeptastic that I would carry around a Dictionary in the first place?? No, I think that just makes me a nerd. But I would be a creeptastic nerd if I carried a Dictionary while hiding in the shrubs outside your house.

Anyways, one of the things I read on that website was that you need to do everything you can to promote your book on social websites and blogs. So since this is my blog, I can (and will) totally promote my own book. So if/when I do write my book please buy a copy, or else I will hide in the shrubs outside your house while carrying around a Dictionary and a copy of my book. It’ll be creeptastic. Shablam.

Books, Zombies, and Dreams

Last night I dreamed that my mom and my brother were zombies. The whole thing was quite strange, because I didn’t look like me, and my mom and brother didn’t look like my real mom and brother…..yet I knew that the person in my dream was me and that the other people were my mom and brother. Strange. It sure is awkward though when you’re trying to buy lemonade from a lemonade stand and all of a sudden your mom starts gnawing your fingers off. It’s even more awkward when you go to a movie theater to try and escape your sudden zombie-family and the employee is trying to sing karaoke while the previews are playing. But he was a pretty good singer, so maybe he should audition for American Idol or The Voice. Too bad my brother followed me and started eating everyone…..

I have really weird dreams. Trust me, the zombie dream is nothing compared to some of the stuff my sleeping mind has come up with. I’m pretty sure I could give Hollywood a run for their money in the “strange movie” arena with some of my dreams. Case in point: I once had a dream that aliens invaded the earth and drove around in those big white Astro vans, kidnapping people so they could study them and then locking them away in dungeons. Me and a group of friends were some of the only people left on the face of the earth that hadn’t been kidnapped. So naturally we decided to wait at McDonald’s for an elite group of alien hunters to pick us up in their mock-up alien Astro van so that we could join them in their quest to free mankind from their alien masters. I don’t know about you guys, but that dream is movie material. Seriously, if a movie like Independence Day can be so popular, then surely my dream movie could make me some money. (PS: if I see an Astro van alien movie come out, I’ll know you stole my idea and I will sue you. Haha.)

What’s so crazy is I don’t even watch alien or zombie movies. I mainly watch comedies, a few chick flicks, and TV shows like NCIS and Law and Order. So I guess I’m just super good at soaking in movie previews that play in the commercial breaks and turning them into dream-movies. Or my brain just gets really bored while I sleep so it decides to exercise its creativity. That means I’m a brilliant person like Einstein, right? Yea I know, it’s a stretch.

Not so related to my current topic whatsoever, but I chose last night to reveal a “secret” to my husband that I’ve been bouncing around in my head for quite some time. It was late and he was just getting ready to drop off to sleep, but the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey baby, you wanna know a crazy secret?

Him: Sure.

(Because who doesn’t want to know a crazy secret about their spouse? He probably thought I was about to tell him something really crazy about my awkward middle school days. Or my awkward high school days. Or my awkward adult days. Scratch that, he probably knew that I said “crazy secret” just to keep him interested long enough so he wouldn’t fall asleep while I was talking.)

Me: I’ve been thinking about writing a book.

Him: Do it. You’d be good at it.

Me: But I have no idea what I’d write about.

Him: You’ll think of something.

And then he went to sleep.

Shablam. So now all you people know my secret too. But I wasn’t kidding at all. I would love love LOVE to write a book, but I have no clue what I would write it on. I could just take all of my alien zombie dreams and put them into a book, but that could result in me being labeled as insane and placed in a straight jacket. I’ve also thought about some other topics, but it resulted in a brainstorming session that turned out like this:

Title: “How to Survive Being a Newlywed, Full-time Employee, Full-time Student, and Being Involved in Two Ministries without Going Crazy”

Manuscript: Eat lots of chocolate.

Title: “How to Lose the Fifteen Pounds You Gained from Eating all that Chocolate While Being a Newlywed, Full-time Employee, Full-time Student, and Being Involved in Two Ministries”

Manuscript:  It’s not worth the effort. Just eat more chocolate.

Title: “How Do You Deal with a Cat that Ate Jesus off the Family Bible?”

Manuscript: He’s a cat, there’s nothing you can do. Except don’t buy another Family Bible, because he’ll just eat that Jesus too. (Oh snap, that rhymed. Maybe I could turn this into a poem?)

I’m good at making stuff up, but I’m not sure I could come up with enough materiel on those topics to write a book. And then I would still have to take all of that made-up stuff and try to get a publisher to accept it. That would probably also result in me being labeled as insane and placed in a straight jacket. Or it would make a lot of publishers snort milk out of their noses from laughing so hard at my plight to become an author. Or both.

No really though, I would like to write a book. I just have no idea what it would be about. So I’m totally open to any suggestions if you have any. And in the meantime, I’m going to keep brainstorming and writing this blog. I’m sure if I’m meant to write a book then I’ll stumble on a topic one day that I’m passionate about enough to actually research and write about it.

That’s kind of my problem though, I’ve got a whole of things that interest me and I’m not sure what to do with all of those ideas that run through my mind. Here’s a taste of my thought process (you may want to eat some chocolate first before reading this maze of thoughts, because it may cause your brain to explode….)

“I really loved Spanish in high school. I also really loved going to Peru. Maybe God wants me to be a missionary to Peru one day. I should probably get back familiar with my Spanish, especially since there are a lot of Hispanic people in my community that I could be ministering to right now. That reminds me, I need to be educating myself more on the piano, since music is my current ministry. I haven’t really worked on that in a while. You know what else I haven’t done in a while? Spent time with my horses. I really really really really need to do that. I would love to have a farm one day with lots of horses. I would love even more to have a therapeutic horse riding facility for special needs kids. I love special needs kids. I love kids. I hope I start having kids soon so I can be a mommy. Except I want to be a stay at home mommy. But I can’t quit my job. Oooh! If I blog and write full-time and make good money off of that then I can be a stay at home mom and still have a good income. I could just be a teacher later on and teach at the school my kids go to. Then I would be able to be off on the same holidays and drop them off to school and pick them up too. But then I’d have to go back to school and get a teaching degree. Which means I would need to save up for school…..which means I need to stay in the job I have so I can earn money. OR, I could work full-time in ministry one day and just be able to home-school my kids and take them with me to church. That doesn’t require me going back to school, which is a lot cheaper. Speaking of cheap, I really need to find some cheap tires for my car….”

I can 100% guarantee that this thought process runs through my head at least once a day, usually more than that. And quite honestly, there are some days where it for-real stresses me out. I take that back, most days it really stresses me out. Which usually results in me praying something like this: “God, will You please just tell me straight up which direction You want me to go in? Because I have NO clue which path I’m supposed to take. Why does everything have to interest me??” So when I ran across an article titled “Stop Waiting for God to Tell You What to do with Your Life”, I immediately clicked the link to the website and prayed my computer would stop acting like a stubborn turtle and just display the stinkin’ page already. The article was written by Justin Zoradi and included all sorts of motivating statements and “aha moments” like this:

“We all want to do meaningful work and find our passion, but I can guarantee you this: Your purpose in life will never be written on the wall. And it will never be revealed to you in full.”

“You want to do meaningful work? Stop sitting on your hands waiting for God to tell you what to do.”

“I believe God joins us only when we take that initial risk. If you have a tiny twinge of passion toward anything, you have to jump right through it on your own. It is there that God will meet you.”

The problem is (as evidenced by my above thought process); I have all sorts of things that I am interested in. And there are even more things that I haven’t mentioned yet, such as: freeing girls from human trafficking, be an advocate for pro-life, be a stand-up comedian on a cruise ship so that I never have to leave said cruise ship (except that wouldn’t work because when I tell jokes I always start laughing before I get finished, which sort of ruins things), be a fitness trainer (my gym’s logo would say: come workout and then we can go eat chocolate), own a coffee shop, tour with a Christian band….. you get the point. So it’s hard for me to read that statement “if you have a tiny twinge of passion toward anything, you have to jump right through it on your own…” because there are literally about fifty things that I have at least a tiny passion for, and seeing as how I enjoy sleeping and I am unable to do all fifty things at once, I decided that my first pursuit would be the book-writing thing. I mean, I’ve been writing all sorts of stuff since I was first able to write, so maybe writing will just be my hobby. If it takes me somewhere, that’s great! If not, then I’ll just start producing movies based off of my dream. Oh, I kid. Besides, if writing a book is not what God wants me to do, then I’ll fail miserably and I’ll still have 49 other dreams to pursue. Sounds like a no-fail plan, huh? Well, unless I actually pursue each and every one of my 50 ideas and all of them come up short. Then that would be a fail. But at least I could say that I had a super interesting life, right? So then it would sort of wind up being a success.

At the end of the day, all I know is I’m just super glad I woke up with my right hand in-tact and covered with skin. Because it was weird for my dream-self to see my right hand with no skin, not to mention a little bit gross. And obviously, I’m glad that my mom and brother are actually not zombies and I’m definitely glad that theater employees don’t sing karaoke while working.  Oh crap, I just saw an Astro van outside of my house…..

“Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’”    ~Hebrews 13:5

The Helper

I haven't written in over two weeks. Sorry 'bout that! I've had many things going through my mind, and I've had a pretty rough month so far. So I haven't been writing much because I didn't want this blog to become a place where I put all of my "drama" and complaints. What can I say? Sometimes we go through stuff. And this particular brand of "stuff" was a little too personal to post all over the internet. But enough of that.

I ran across a devotional today that really got me thinking. The Scripture that went along with the devotion was Mark 16:19-20 "After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, He was taken up into heaven and He sat at the right hand of God. Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed His word by the signs that accompanied it."

I've always just had that visual picture in my mind of the disciples watching Jesus ascend into heaven, and then turning around to head back home. Of course we know that they returned and waited for the Holy Spirit to be sent to them. And we can figure that they probably were a little sad to see Jesus go. But one thing I never thought about before was how easy it would have been for the disciples to get discouraged. I wonder if any of them had thoughts like this:

"How am I supposed to perform miracles like Jesus did? I'm just a man......"
"Am I really good enough to follow in His footsteps?"
"What if I get something wrong?"
"It was so much easier when Jesus was with us. This is too hard for me!"
"I'll never be able to live up to the standard Jesus set. I hope He isn't mad at me for failing so much."

I won't ever know what the disciples truly thought after Jesus left. But I can bet that they all had at least a few moments of self-doubt and discouragement, especially in hardships. After all, even though they did great things, they were still human.

We are all called to do different things. Some of us are really secure with ourselves and able to grab the task at hand with full confidence. Many of us, however, are plagued with feelings of doubt and low confidence in ourselves. But you know what I find really awesome? God doesn't force us to walk through our lives by ourselves. We have His help! Just like He did with the disciples, God sends the Holy Spirit to us to strengthen us and guide us as we fulfill our calling. And Jesus said that through the Holy Spirit we would do even greater things than what He did while on earth. Wow!

We will all go through times where we feel inadequate and very very small. But keep your head up! We have God on our side while we are working to fulfill our calling, and we have Help that can enable us to do great things if only we believe. For someone like me who constantly struggles with self-doubt, this message is like a lifeline. I was so encouraged to read this today and to realize that I truly am not alone. Even the disciples probably had doubts and fears, especially at the beginning, but like the disciples, I too have the Holy Spirit to assist me every day. And it is true, I don't have what it takes to get the job done by myself, but with the power of the Holy Spirit I am empowered to do great things. Hallelujah!

If you are unfamiliar with the Holy Spirit, I greatly encourage you to grab a concordance and dig deep into Scripture. Learn about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and begin to seek that for your own life. I have only been baptized for a year and a half, but that day changed my life forever....and I know He will do the same for you.

That's all I got for today folks! I hope this encouraged you as much as it did me. I feel like things are getting much better for me, so hopefully I will get back on top of my writing schedule.  ;)

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."                            ~Ephesians 3:20-21

Ketchup, Anyone?

I've decided that I have been much too serious here lately and have left out the main thing this blog was created for: Life. With us. So here's what's been happening lately in a high school yearbook superlative type format........

(PS: I actually wrote this yesterday. But I was super lazy and didn't add the pictures until tonight. Yay me? haha)

Cutest dog ever: Duke. Our big guy turned one year old on August 29th. We had cake and everything. Aw, my little baby is growing up! Let's take a trip back in time....here he is at 3.5 months old. How adorable!!

Most surprised: My parents. After we threw them a surprise 45th Anniversary Party with my siblings and the help of my in-laws. Well, it was mostly a surprise. My parents saw one of my sisters pulling into my driveway. But still, hats off to the five of us for keeping it a secret until "the day of".

Best view: my backyard. I love sitting out on our back deck and gazing at all the wide open space we have back there. Well, it's not "ours" but I still get to stare at it. Winning! Here is Duke playing fetch in front of our neighbor's pond. He loves all of the running space out here.

Best dancer: This guy. Roman found him hanging out on our back porch. He was rocking back and forth to the music Roman had playing on his phone. Roman named him "Manny". Typical.

Most anxious to get back on a boat: Me. I spent a few minutes this morning gazing at pictures of our cruise back in May. So if anyone wants to stuff me in their car and drive me to the nearest port, I'd be most thankful.

Randomest guy I know: Jeff. Random Jeff, to be exact. He's not a real person. Just someone one of our silly friends came up with. But Random Jeff is dominating our Facebook posts right now. And he has an otter....an otter that needs grammar lessons. Know any tutors?

Worst thing to get in your eye: toothpaste. And yes, I was the one who got all brilliant and figured that one out. Somehow I managed to get it in my eye. I thought I would go blind. It was traumatic.

Most likely to get in trouble: Ralph. Dang cat keeps trying to run out the door. He has turned into quite an escape artist. We've contemplated just letting him out for a few minutes a day with us going outside with him, just to curb his curiosity. But he has no front claws and there are woods right in front of our house. I just can't bear the thought of him running off and us not being able to find him. Here's the little troublemaker playing in a box a few weeks ago.

Most up to date on the newest cell phones: that would be my husband. Because, you know, he works at Verizon and stuff. So he's kind of "in the know" so to speak.

Most likely to need surgery: me. Unfortunately, me and this right knee of mine aren't getting along too well. My doctor is going to try one last thing over the next four weeks to see how it does. But if it still decides to not act like a normal knee, then this girl is going under for some surgery. I hope they let me eat ice cream afterwards. I'm totally okay with surgery if I get ice cream. Chocolate, please!

Biggest planners: us. We've been planning all sorts of things. From hypothetical plans like what we would change in our house if we were to buy it one day, to "more real" plans like when we are going to start a family. HINT: not now. Bet I got some people all excited on that one. Sorry mom.

Biggest drama queen: Duke. Seriously, I wish I could just follow him around with a camera all day and then post the video here so you guys could see. He's a ham. And totally spoiled.

Best job: that's a tie. Roman and I are seriously loving our new jobs. Seriously.

Most likely to be on time for work: Roman. He came close to being late one day. I came close to being on time one day. Oops.

Most enjoyable life: ours. Sure, we have some crazy things going on in our checkbook right now. But all in all, we are loving our life. School has long been a thing of the past. We have a great home that we are cozying up in. And everything is just generally going smooth right now. We are truly blessed!

Craziest dream: mine. Short version. My father-in-law was president of the United States. Roman and I were his secret security. We rode on a helicopter. The pilot was mean though and wouldn't land during our eleven hour flight so I could pee. Said the security of the president was more important. Psh. Please. Mean pilot.......


"I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."                                                                     ~Psalm 16:8-11

"Marriage Is What Brings Us Together Today"

I was going to try and do a reference to the priest from "The Princess Bride" in the title to this post, but I couldn't figure out how to spell the quote to where all of you people would understand me. So if you've seen the movie, go back and read the title like the priest would've said it. Maybe it would've looked something like this: "Mawage ish wot bwings us togedder tooode" Classic movie. Love it.

Anyways, if you don't get it yet, this is going to be a rant er, post about marriage. Apparently some other bloggers must be on the same drift as me because I've already read two other posts from my "favorites" on this same topic just this morning. 

Roman and I found out yet another Christian couple is getting a divorce last night. Another one. Another couple that made a vow before God to love each other until death. Another couple with young children. Another couple that is very active in their church. Another CHRISTIAN couple.

(Now, let me do a quick disclaimer: Roman and I are not particularly close to this couple. They're really just an acquaintance. We didn't even know them well enough to develop an opinion on whether they were "rock solid" or not. So perhaps they had Biblical grounds for a divorce. But this isn't exactly posted for them anyways.) 

Here's where I'm getting at guys. I read in one of my favorite blogs, Mission Husband, that Christian couples have a higher statistic of divorce than non-Christians. That is a very real, very big problem! We are supposed to be an example to the world in every area of our lives, including our marriages. 

The number one reason I hear from others going through a divorce as to why they left their spouse is this one: "I am not happy." And a lot of times that statement gets topped off with something like "I deserve to be happy" or "God wants me to be happy". I am so very tired of that last one...."God wants me to be happy." Can someone please whip out their Bibles and show me a Scripture verse that says "Thou shalt be happy" or "You can do what you want as long as you are happy"? Anyone?? No. You can't. Why? Because it isn't there. Sure, God cares about us. But He cares more about our obedience to Him than our happiness. And at the end of the day, whether or not we are happy really is not important!!

I see a selfish people when I look at America. I see a nation that ruthlessly aborts children because they are not wanted. I see a nation that indulges itself in alcohol, drugs, and terrible foods to make itself feel better. I see a nation that is engulfed in pornography. I see a nation that doesn't really care all that much about the widows or the orphans or the poor. I see a nation that will marry and divorce all it wants to, so long as its happy. I see a nation that gorges itself on what it can buy and how it can make itself look better. And you know what? Most of these things are done based off this one simple lie: "I deserve to be happy."

I deserve to be happy, so I'm going to abort this child because it will interfere with my life. I deserve to be happy, so I am going to get drunk because it's fun. I deserve to be happy, so I'm going to watch this porn or read that nasty book in order to bring pleasure to myself. I deserve to be happy, so I'm not going to spend any time with the poor and needy. I deserve to be happy, so I'm going to divorce my husband because that new man at work is my true "soul mate". I deserve to be happy, so I'm going to get myself into debt so I can buy that new car, that pretty house, and that nice boat. Am I right, or am I right?

And you know what? I expect that out of a sinful, wicked nation. But you know who should be different? US! The church! We are called to a different way of thinking! We are called to rise above this world and deny ourselves and follow Christ. And in my honest opinion, we are doing a terrible job of it.

Church of America, I beg you, wake up. Deny yourself and follow Christ. Quit being so selfish by pursuing what pleases you. Pursue what will please God instead. And if you aren't sure what will please God, let me give you a hint: read the Bible and take on a life of prayer.

Getting back to the marriage thing....unless your spouse has had an affair or your life is in danger, you have no Biblical grounds for a divorce. It's that simple. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but it's the truth.

There's a very popular statement I see floating around on the Internet right now: "The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it." Oh how very true that is. If we could only take that truth and run with it. If we could only understand that marriage really is a lot of hard work, that it requires hard work up until the day we die. And if we leave our spouse for someone else, guess what? It will eventually get just as hard with that other person and we'll probably wind up leaving them too in pursuit of greener pastures. Can you see the vicious cycle?

I know that this is a hard thing to swallow. I know it is not popular. But let's face it: marriage can be stinkin' hard some days. And if we don't fight for our marriages, if we don't decide that we are in this no matter what, then those hard days can turn into a hard week, and that hard week can turn into a hard month, and then that hard month can turn into a hard year, and then before we know it, that "divorce" word starts running around in our minds. And then Satan brings that nice, attractive man or woman to your attention and you start wondering how much easier your life could be if you just left your dead marriage and started fresh.



Two years ago, on June 5th, 2010, at around 3 in the afternoon, I made a vow. I made a vow to my husband in front of over 200 people and in front of God Himself, that I would marry Roman Shaler Casterline. I vowed to stay with him until death. I vowed to stay faithful to him. I vowed to give my heart to him and only him. I vowed to "do life" with him. He has my heart. He shares my dreams. We are building a legacy together that will hopefully be passed onto our (future) children. We are doing our best to make His name famous and to shine a light. I take those vows seriously. Roman takes his vows seriously. Has it been easy? Some days, yes! Some days it is easy to be in love and have all of those romantic feelings. But other days, it is hard. Other days we annoy the ever-loving snot out of each other. We have arguments. We don't see eye to eye all of the time. But at the end of the day, he is my husband and I am his wife and we will make up and go to bed together and wake up married the next day. And we will continue on through the mountains and valleys of this life. Together.



All I'm asking is that we try a little harder to just stay together. Let's get it in our heads that marriage is truly a life-long commitment. Let's take our vows seriously and understand that God does not take it lightly when we break a vow we've made to Him. God will never ever ever want you to get a divorce just so you can "be happy". If you feel like He's telling you that, then you're listening to the wrong voice, because breaking a vow to pursue your selfish desires is sinful, and God never commands us to sin. He wants us to stay married, through the good times and the bad. Because we are His children, and we are called to live a pure and holy life.

And I'm sure there might be someone that reads this and thinks "well you don't know my situation." You know what? You're right, I don't. Which is why I'm encouraging you to dig deep into the Word of God. I encourage to fall on your knees in prayer and truly seek after God's will for your marriage. And definitely seek out some counseling if things really are that bad. But please, please don't just walk away from your marriage. Think back to those days when you were newlywed and smitten, dig your heels in and put up a good fight for your marriage. Because we are the light of the world. And if we can't show the world what true love and commitment looks like, then who will? No one.

Climbing off my box now......

"But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."                                                                                              ~Matthew 5:32

I've Got Sunshine.....

Sometimes I lose perspective. I forget that this whole thing is bigger than me. It's bigger than my checking account or the pile of laundry on the floor. It's bigger than a dirty car or a messy desk.

I have a tendency to make all of these little things into really huge things and then allow those things to occupy my mind for days at a time. They can totally consume my thoughts if I allow them. Sometimes I can recognize the assault on my mind and take those thoughts captive. Other times though, they quietly march around and gain strength. And then without me even noticing, my mind is consumed with a neverending to-do list, a financial crisis, and a million reasons of why "I just can't" be who God has called me to be.

This parade of negativity has some nasty consequences, not just on my spiritual and mental self, but on my physical body as well. My mind gets overwhelmed and so I eat junk food. Then I get sad that I'm eating so much junk food but I figure since I've already eaten one cookie I might as well go on and eat a second one........

And then there is my poor husband and anyone else I'm close to. When my mind is caught up in everything else, I tend to push others away from me. I tend to think only of myself and nothing of what they might be going through. And if they are having a bad day too, then this frame of mind can be a recipe for disaster.

So now with a background into how my mind works, can you see how important it is for me to take every thought captive to my Lord and Savior? I would dare say that most of us struggle with the "dark cloud of negativity" from time to time.....some more than others. Satan loves to keep our minds busy with our troubles so we can't see the beauty around us. Because if he can make us feel abandoned.....he's that much closer to getting us to give up entirely.


Yesterday I was off work (hallelujah). I spent the first several hours of my day off sleeping. As in, I woke up at 11 a.m. yesterday. Some people sleep that long and feel awful....sleeping that long is actually one of the only things that can get me feeling like a human being. I think I've mentioned it before, but my body just requires more sleep than others. So I woke up in a pretty good mood, made a fruit smoothie and slowly started cleaning the house. But it wasn't long before I started paying extra attention to how dirty the house was, how many bills were stacked up on my counter, how my shorts don't fit like they used to and suddenly I found myself parked in front of the TV eating a Twix bar.

And then suddenly, Duke started barking his head off. He wanted outside. I opened the door to let him out, but he stopped to look at me instead. He wanted me to come with him. So I sighed and walked out the door and sat on the porch swing while he sniffed around the yard. But then he got a wild hair and he just started running. He would run in a big circle, dive into the ground, roll around, get up, and run in a big circle again. He repeated this for several minutes. I laughed at him the whole time and that's when it hit me: God is good.

I'm sitting on the back porch watching my dog play in our huge yard that is surrounded by fields. It was so beautiful. There was a nice breeze and it felt so good outside yesterday. God created everything my eyes could see and gave me such a beautiful place to call home. I quit looking at all of the bad and started paying attention to the beauty around me. After that I returned inside with a much happier frame of mind.

We choose whether to see the beauty in life or the ugliness. I know what focusing on the ugly does to me. I know how it pollutes my mind and sends me down a path of self-loathing and general unhealthiness. I want to make more of an effort to focus on the good in this life and to look at the bigger picture.

Praise be to God that I have the Holy Spirit to shine a light into my mind when I start traveling down a dark road. I am so thankful for a God who is actively involved with my life, rather than a God who is never present and makes me go through stuff like this on my own. And I am also very thankful that I married an optimistic man that is always making me laugh. God bless that bright-spirited man.

So with that, I will share a personal goal I've set for myself this week. Part one: when I find myself worrying over the troubles of life, I will redirect my thoughts and spend the next few minutes thanking God for what I have. Part two: make a better effort to spend time in the Word and in prayer.    Feel free to join me!!  :)

"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fulness of life and power that comes from God."  ~Ephesians 3:19

More Than I Can Handle

Reason #1 why I have not written in over a week: I've had limited access to a private computer.

Reason #2: I've been sick this week.....  As for last week....I have no excuse.  ;)

So I apologize for my absence........sorry sorry sorry!! Forgive me? Okay good.

But you want me to be completely honest? Of course you do. I have no idea what to write about right now. This is actually the fourth introduction I've written to this post. All the others were dumb(er) so they got scrapped. It's not that I haven't had anything going on over the past eight days. I just have a severe case of writer's block.

The problem is, I have a ton of stuff swirling around in my brain today. Actually, it's been swirling around up there for days. Ever since I wrote my last blog post about Peru, that country has weighed heavily on my mind. I actually had tears well up when I read about an individual going on a mission trip there...and she hadn't even left yet. All she said was that she was asked to go. Um, what in the world is wrong with me?

Then there is the whole other thing which will make some of my family members jump up and down for joy: I've caught the baby fever. But don't get too excited, we won't be having kids for another good long while. It just doesn't go too well when you have the baby fever yet know you can't have a baby right now. Again, what in the world is wrong with me?

Add all of that to some of my every day stressors (work, money, cat keeps leaving dead cockroaches on the floor, someone obviously keeps shrinking my jeans....) and you have the recipe for a very plugged up brain and an emotional wife. My poor, poor husband.

That's not to say that good things aren't happening too. Our dishwasher is just as amazing every time I use it. I smile every time I hear the air conditioning cut on. And Duke is more than a little bit happy about his oversized backyard. Our church is starting to thrive again as our congregation begins to unite under God's plan. My parents will celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary this Sunday. We have a whole lot of stuff to be thankful for.

Just know that this week, life is trying to get the best of me. From finances, to crazy work days, to muffin tops, to 100 unread e-mails, to a sinus infection and a torn ACL in my right knee, this week has been slightly more than I could handle.

But you know what? That's kind of a good thing in disguise. I'm (mostly) okay with life being out of control some days. People like to parade this quote all over the place: "God never gives you more than you can handle." Please show me where the Bible says that. And while you are looking, I'll just stand over here and live to be a hundred years old. Because you're not going to find it. Because God never said that. God allows us to go through stuff that is more than we can handle every day. If He didn't, then we would never need Him.

So I'll look at the last few days like this: this week has been way more than I could handle. My checkbook's current state of death is more than I can handle. A torn ACL and a sinus infection is more than I can handle. Cockroaches are more than I can handle. Small jeans are more than I can handle. But God allows all of this *crap* to enter into my life to make His name famous. Because in my weakest moments, when I am well past my breaking point, He can come running through my heart and grow my faith in a great big way. And I'll come through this week triumphant and singing His praises....and I'll be just a little bit more like Him as well. Which is a pretty darn good solution to all of this messy stuff.

So yea, I'll probably cry a few more times this week. I'll probably make a few more faces when I find another dead cockroach. I'll probably loathe the chocolate ice cream I will devour tonight when I literally jump into my jeans tomorrow morning. And that's all okay with me, because I know that God moves in the rough times. Don't get me wrong, He definitely moves in the good times too. But it's good to know that when life gets tough, God's presence doesn't run. He doesn't abandon us when we're crying over jeans and sinus infections. He doesn't abandon us when we are hurting or confused. He doesn't abandon us when we have ten zillion questions lurking in our minds over babies and countries.

But one thing is for sure, I am going running this afternoon and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Unless you are God and you send a rain cloud over my house. Call me stupid for running with a torn ACL and a sinus infection, but running helps clear my head (and besides, the doctor cleared me to run a little bit as long as its on smooth surfaces). And today, my head needs some clearing and my soul needs some Jesus. Running helps me find both. 

For all of you out there who are having ridiculously stressful weeks like me: take heart. God deeply loves you, regardless of what you are going through. Life sometimes gets so crazy that we can't hear Him, but I promise He is still there. We may not ever understand why we go through some of the things we go through, but know that as long as we persevere, there is a plan with the result of God being glorified and our faith being magnified.

I don't know about you, but that's enough for me.

  
"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You."   ~Psalm 25:4-5