Reason #1 why I have not written in over a week: I've had limited access to a private computer.
Reason #2: I've been sick this week..... As for last week....I have no excuse. ;)
So I apologize for my absence........sorry sorry sorry!! Forgive me? Okay good.
But you want me to be completely honest? Of course you do. I have no idea what to write about right now. This is actually the fourth introduction I've written to this post. All the others were dumb(er) so they got scrapped. It's not that I haven't had anything going on over the past eight days. I just have a severe case of writer's block.
The problem is, I have a ton of stuff swirling around in my brain today. Actually, it's been swirling around up there for days. Ever since I wrote my last blog post about Peru, that country has weighed heavily on my mind. I actually had tears well up when I read about an individual going on a mission trip there...and she hadn't even left yet. All she said was that she was asked to go. Um, what in the world is wrong with me?
Then there is the whole other thing which will make some of my family members jump up and down for joy: I've caught the baby fever. But don't get too excited, we won't be having kids for another good long while. It just doesn't go too well when you have the baby fever yet know you can't have a baby right now. Again, what in the world is wrong with me?
Add all of that to some of my every day stressors (work, money, cat keeps leaving dead cockroaches on the floor, someone obviously keeps shrinking my jeans....) and you have the recipe for a very plugged up brain and an emotional wife. My poor, poor husband.
That's not to say that good things aren't happening too. Our dishwasher is just as amazing every time I use it. I smile every time I hear the air conditioning cut on. And Duke is more than a little bit happy about his oversized backyard. Our church is starting to thrive again as our congregation begins to unite under God's plan. My parents will celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary this Sunday. We have a whole lot of stuff to be thankful for.
Just know that this week, life is trying to get the best of me. From finances, to crazy work days, to muffin tops, to 100 unread e-mails, to a sinus infection and a torn ACL in my right knee, this week has been slightly more than I could handle.
But you know what? That's kind of a good thing in disguise. I'm (mostly) okay with life being out of control some days. People like to parade this quote all over the place: "God never gives you more than you can handle." Please show me where the Bible says that. And while you are looking, I'll just stand over here and live to be a hundred years old. Because you're not going to find it. Because God never said that. God allows us to go through stuff that is more than we can handle every day. If He didn't, then we would never need Him.
So I'll look at the last few days like this: this week has been way more than I could handle. My checkbook's current state of death is more than I can handle. A torn ACL and a sinus infection is more than I can handle. Cockroaches are more than I can handle. Small jeans are more than I can handle. But God allows all of this *crap* to enter into my life to make His name famous. Because in my weakest moments, when I am well past my breaking point, He can come running through my heart and grow my faith in a great big way. And I'll come through this week triumphant and singing His praises....and I'll be just a little bit more like Him as well. Which is a pretty darn good solution to all of this messy stuff.
So yea, I'll probably cry a few more times this week. I'll probably make a few more faces when I find another dead cockroach. I'll probably loathe the chocolate ice cream I will devour tonight when I literally jump into my jeans tomorrow morning. And that's all okay with me, because I know that God moves in the rough times. Don't get me wrong, He definitely moves in the good times too. But it's good to know that when life gets tough, God's presence doesn't run. He doesn't abandon us when we're crying over jeans and sinus infections. He doesn't abandon us when we are hurting or confused. He doesn't abandon us when we have ten zillion questions lurking in our minds over babies and countries.
But one thing is for sure, I am going running this afternoon and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Unless you are God and you send a rain cloud over my house. Call me stupid for running with a torn ACL and a sinus infection, but running helps clear my head (and besides, the doctor cleared me to run a little bit as long as its on smooth surfaces). And today, my head needs some clearing and my soul needs some Jesus. Running helps me find both.
For all of you out there who are having ridiculously stressful weeks like me: take heart. God deeply loves you, regardless of what you are going through. Life sometimes gets so crazy that we can't hear Him, but I promise He is still there. We may not ever understand why we go through some of the things we go through, but know that as long as we persevere, there is a plan with the result of God being glorified and our faith being magnified.
I don't know about you, but that's enough for me.
"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You." ~Psalm 25:4-5