Friday, November 16, 2012

Beware the Mop Eating Alligator

I have been sick all week. Like really sick. And with not even a full day’s sick leave, that means I have had to go to work this week as well….while sick. Hopefully my coworkers don’t think I look this bad all the time, but since no one has said “dang girl, you look like you don’t feel good” that means one of two things: 1) I am awesome at make-up and should quit my day job and become a make-up artist. Seriously, if I can make myself look un-sick when I feel this bad, then I’ve got some potential. Right??!?? 2) I need to step up my game in the make-myself-look-presentable-for-work department. Because if I look as bad as I feel right now, and no one is taking notice, then does that mean I always look this bad??? ……yowzers. So if anyone wants to volunteer to buy me some new outfits and give me a make-over, I’d be 100% okay with it. And apparently my co-workers would be totally cool with it as well….
In other news….. I really hate alligators. They scare the bejeezers out of me. I think out of all of God’s creation, I am most afraid of alligators. Pretty sure. Last night I dreamed about an alligator in my house trying to eat me and my dog. It all started when I was trying to build a barricade in my house, because suddenly my living room had turned into a swamp and the laundry room/guest bathroom/ guest bedroom  area had turned into an ocean. So I felt like building a wall out of a mop, some suitcases, a chair, and some old purses was the right thing to do to protect me and Duke from this new burst of wildlife. No idea where Roman was. Or Ralph. Or Lauren. Suddenly, a huge alligator came up out of the swamp and bit off the mop part of my mop.
Dude. I needed that to clean. What were you thinking?
Then he started burrowing under the chair and totally made it past my awesome barricade in about 2.7 seconds. At first he just sat there sniffing Duke, while I stood in the sink and freaked out. Then he headed towards me! I started screaming for Dad but he couldn’t hear me because he was scuba diving in my house-ocean, looking for a giant octopus.
Then I woke up. The end.
Thankfully my living room was not a swamp when I opened my bedroom door, there was not a crazy mop-eating alligator in my kitchen and my dad was not in the guest bedroom scuba diving for a monster octopus.
I wish I could tell you that my dream was a result of the antibiotics I’m taking right now, or extreme mental and physical exhaustion, or that I watched a wildlife show last night, but that is unfortunately not the case. That dream is actually normal compared to some other things my sleeping self has come up with.
Also, me and Roman may be buying a new couch tomorrow. At the very least, we are going on a couch hunting expedition. Which is totally not the same thing as hunting for an octopus…but equally as exciting and much less dangerous.
Would it be lame to end this post with “See ya later alligators!” Yes? Good. Some days I strive to be as lame as humanly possible. Ask Roman, he can verify this claim. Anyways……see ya later alligators! Shablam.
“Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.”                                                                                   ~Proverbs 29:18

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