Let the Games Begin!

I know all of you are dying to hear read every last excrutiating detail about our moving process, so who am I to deny your wishes?  ;-)  Let's dive right in, shall we?

Because I am such a list person who loves writing out lists for each and every task that I may do or each and every grocery I may ever buy, it only makes sense that yesterday afternoon I sat down to write out a schedule/list for moving. Yes, I know that moving is chaotic and no matter how well you plan it, things never go according to plan. I still love lists a whole lot. So I wrote one. So there. This list was a biggy (and yes, the original has already changed from last night)....seeing as how there are a billion and two things to do when moving. Hold on to your shoe laces.....cuz here comes the most updated copy of our "Listy McListerson for Moving"

• August 14: organize the bookcase and start cleaning out the guestroom closets
• August 15: finish the guestroom closets
• August 16: go through clothes to get rid of some, put unneeded clothes in trunk of car, put unneeded kitchen appliances on kitchen table, fix walls (from where Duke decided he was hungry for some drywall.....thanks Duke)
• August 17: sign lease and get keys!!  :) show parents the new house  :)   :)  :)  :)
• August 18: change locks on house, move all 3 guestrooms/closets, move the kitchen table
• August 19: begin taking up fence from backyard and moving it to new house
• August 20: work on fence some more, pick up change of address forms
• August 21: pack any other unneeded items and take to house, clean empty rooms of the trailer, go to Mitchell EMC to get power turned on at new house
• August 22: catch-up day
• August 23: catch-up day
• August 24-25: power should come on at new house, clean new house
• August 26: move living room, pantry, washer/dryer
• August 27: move bedroom, kitchen and all other remaining items, finish cleaning new house, hopefully spend our 1st night at new house!!!  :)  :)
• August 28: finish removing fence from old house, clean old house, go to Mitchell EMC to have power turned off at old house
• August 29: one last walk through of old house
• August 30: sleep. a long time.
• August 31: give keys to old house back to landlord
• September: unpack, put up fence, eat lots of chocolate, don't go crazy

How's that for a to-do list?? I wrote up the original yesterday during my lunch break and then Roman and I went over it and adjusted some things. But for all of you non-believers of lists out there, we actually accomplished a good bit yesterday and we are still right on track. I have my entire office packed up except for what is on my desk. The desk has not been packed up for two reasons: 1) I ran out of boxes and 2) I don't really plan to pack it. I just plan to kind of swipe everything into a box, close the lid and then throw everything back up there once we get moved in. So it will literally only take me like one minute to pack it. So woo hoo for good progress on day one!

I had actually planned to tackle all three guest bedroom closets last night, but then I realized something. If I get less organized in my packing as time goes on (which I've heard happens to everyone), then I had better get the worst room out of the way first. My office looks like a tornado came through it almost every day. So it definitely needed some intense organization before I could even pack it. Yay for me for sticking through it and getting 'er done. Now, how about some pictures?? (as if you haven't gotten enough details already.....)

Here are all of the boxes piled up after bringing them inside. Some of them are not assembled yet. And there was probably a cat inside one of them....

Here is the very first box packed up all nice and purty!!  :)  (notice the bookshelves that are full of ....stuff.

And with labeling like this, how can you go wrong?

Here is one view of the office after I had finished packing it up. Note the three books that I forgot to put in the box. I was too lazy to slice back through the tape just to pack them up. I'll carry them by hand ...haha. See my desk back there? Yea, total un-organization for someone who is as OCD as me.

 Here is a second view of all of the boxes. Hip hip hooray for cleaned out bookshelves!!

Because Ralph, the dearest, sweetest, kindest cat in the whole world deeply enjoys shredding cardboard and has taught his partner in crime, Lauren, to do the same, I had to barricade the door to my office to keep them from squeezing underneath it and chewing through a box while we slept. So now my hallway looks like this (a heavy box of cat litter is on the other side):



Speaking of that lovely cat, here he is now. You would never guess that behind that cute little face lies a cardboard serial killer.

And I can't have a picture of Ralph without throwing one in there of Dukey-face. Here he is, begging for food at 12:30 in the morning. Yes, we were up that late. Oops.

Speaking of Roman, where was he in all of this? Well, first we had a pile of dishes that had to be done. We weren't home on Saturday which is when we normally catch up on the dishes so he was kind enough to take care of them while I started packing. After that, he did some small things that needed to be taken care of, like filling in a couple of scratches from our precious four-legged child, touching up the shutters from where we painted them after we moved in, and putting this bad boy back up:

Mmmm....now if that's not beauty, I don't know what is.     ....totally kidding. I hate that thing. Which is why we bought a new one before we even moved in. A new one that is coming with us to our new place because it cost us a pretty penny (or more). This bad boy has been chillin' in the office closet to be re-hung when we moved out. So as much as I really really really really hate this light, I am excited to see its return because that means we are finally moving to a new place. Look, it even has some "character"......not.

So all in all, yesterday was a really great first day of packing. The animals have no clue what's going on. The cats were just excited that there were empty boxes to play in for a while....Duke is mad that he can't walk into a room of the house because that room is full of stuff. Poor guy.

And for all of you out there who caught the whole "going to bed after midnight" thing, no worries. I promise we will not be doing that every night. God has already fussed at me for doing too much. I was working on organizing the bookcase. It had already been organized. Twice. In one night. But I still just didn't like it. Suddenly God spoke into my heart and told me to stop being too OCD about everything or I was going to lose my mind and this move would take ten years. So I quit being overly OCD and just started packing. After that things went much faster and the whole room was packed in no time. So....scouts honor: I will not go crazy-OCD and stay up past midnight every night packing up my house. Promise.

But it was so funny because even when we did go to bed we couldn't sleep because we were too excited. We were talking about how we were going to arrange things and how we were going to decorate (we are considering re-painting our bedroom furniture soon). We were so tired but still just too excited to sleep. Yay for new exciting things like houses with a dishwasher! :)

Oh and we do have a small list of things that we need to purchase (yay for another list?)

• New litter box lid (the handle on the old one broke, but we would also like one with a flap in the door so that all the litter won't come out when Ralph has a kicking fit.
• Mat to go under the litter box
• Plastic tote for craft supplies and extra office supplies (my desk does not have drawers so right now they just sit all over my office)
• 2 new pillows for the couch (Duke has thoroughly destroyed the ones we have. And now the cats are finding out how much fun it is to pull stuffing out of a hole. And yes, I will be putting the new pillows out of reach at night so that we won't have a repeat of the pillow destruction)
• New locks for the doors
• Filing cabinet (one day, not a necessity right now)

Not too bad, I think. The locks may be a little pricey, but my parents have offered to put it on their Lowe's card for us and us pay them back, so our up-front costs of moving into a new place should be really low. Hooray!

And oh yea, Roman had an interview this morning at 11. He said he thought it went really well. He said he should hear a definite answer by the end of this week. Not trying to get ahead of myself or anything, but I have a really good feeling about this one! Hopefully you will be seeing a new post tomorrow or Friday with a new job announcement!!  :)   :)

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak His praises."   ~Psalm 34:1

Hello Crazy

I am convinced that me and Roman like to make ourselves go crazy.

Example #1: We get married right in the middle of our college careers. So he takes on a full load of classes while working a part time job. And I take on a full load of classes (online) while working a full time job. Even in the summer. And we do all of that while being active leaders in our church. Thank the good Lord we're graduated now. Y'all just don't know.

Example #2: We adopt a puppy towards the end of our college careers. When we have the highest amount of classes/homework. We are never home.....so now the puppy is like our child and we tote him around everywhere we go. We are one of those people. Can't. Leave. Dog. At. Home. Alone. He. Would. Be. So. Sad. Please refer to this post for more information.

Example #3: On top of me changing jobs in two weeks, we are also moving.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! We are MOVING!!     :)   :)   :)   *insert happy dance here*

Those doctor people who think they know everything say not to have more than one life-changing event every six months or so. If you do, you will be totally crazy and lose your mind or something like that. Roman and I are throwing caution to the wind. What do those people know anyways? So I will be changing to a completely different job in two weeks. And we will also be moving over the next couple of weeks. I. Will. Not. Go. Crazy. Too. Excited. To. Lose. My. Mind.

No really, I won't. I may eat an excessive amount of chocolate. But you will not see this girl having a meltdown. Why? Because this job change and this move is 100% orchestrated by God. I will now attempt to fit the puzzle pieces together for you. They all fit in my mind, so hopefully I can illustrate this right.

Crazy Event #1: The Job

Several months ago I applied for a job. I was selected for that job. But because of some of the details surrounding that job (too complicated to get into here), my supervisor was able to keep me here. I was sad. I was frustrated. I cried....a lot. You see, working in finance makes me more than a little bit crazy. Yes, I realize I have a degree in accounting. Yes, I realize I am good at what I do. But the whole fiscal year schedule thing and close-out and government spending and government cuts and all of that junk makes me go crazy. And this job was going to get me out of finance. So when it fell through....I was crushed. After pouting for several hours, I finally decided that perhaps God was actually saving me from a job I would hate and that there was no sense in acting like a baby. So I pulled my big-girl pants back on and fixed my make-up and kept plowing through.

A couple of months later, I get a phone call. Someone had heard about that whole incident and was wondering if I was still job searching. (This phone call occurred two hours after I had asked God to put me where He wanted me and in a job that would make me happy to come to work.) They had a position for me. One they thought I would thrive in. I applied. I was selected. The whole process took less than a month, which I'm pretty sure is a world record for the government, seeing as how it normally takes three months for us to do anything. I start in two weeks....I couldn't be more excited. Seriously, nine more work-days and I start. Woo hoo!

Now, let's look at this. If I had gotten the first job, then the second job never would have been offered to me. Looking back, I believe my supervisor truly was looking out for my best interest. I think there was a good possibility I would have been "stuck". There was no opportunity in the near future for me to move up. Although I am currently not getting a promotion with my new job, there will be an option for promotion after a few months. Which is just icing on the cake.

So when I step back and look at the big picture, I can truly see how God orchestrated these events. Down to the very fact that I never would have gotten this new job had I not worked where I am now. The only reason the woman who called me knew who I was is because she is the wife of one of my customers and he told her about me. So had I not been in my current job, he would not have known me. He would not have known that I was looking for a job. And he would not have known to tell his wife about me. I dare you to try and tell me that all of this was a coincidence; it is too complicated to have been an accident.

Ready for part two? It gets even better!

Crazy Event #2: The House

If this is your first time reading this blog, then let me give you a little history. If this is not your first time reading this blog, prepare to see me whine about our current house one. last. time.

During the summer, it gets up to 90 degrees during the day. During the winter, it stays in the low 60s. We live in a double-wide trailer that is barely insulated. It is old. And cats live underneath it and have shredded the duct-work.  So we heat and cool the dirt under our trailer, basically. And we therefore pay a ridiculous electricity bill every month.
The kitchen sink and our shower clogs up often.
There are bugs everywhere because we can't get the house sealed up well.
The floor in the bathroom and laundry room sinks because of past water damage.
The hot water only lasts for fifteen minutes at a time.
Our neighbors are loud. I am fairly certain that a particular Hispanic tune will forever be in my brain because I've heard that song at least ten times a month.
There is no dishwasher. You do not realize how many dishes you use until you have to do all of them by yourself.
Our shower is ridiculously tiny.

Are these all minor inconveniences? Yes. Am I being a baby? Yes. Am I thankful for the roof over my head? You bet.

But lately, Roman and I have been praying extra hard for God to move us somewhere....well, less troublesome and more peaceful. We were being very specific with our prayers:
We want to rent a house. A real house. With real air conditioning and real duct-work. And a bigger hot water heater. And a nice-sized shower. And a dish washer. And we have to be able to bring Dukey-face inside because he would be sad if we made him sleep outside. And please let us be somewhere peaceful but still close to town. Amen.

We have not been looking at houses. We were not searching online. We were not asking around. I tried searching a little bit but I stopped because it was making me depressed. Looking at pictures of really nice houses that you could never afford is just plain depressing.

So we decided to sit back and be content and let God work. Oh, how He worked.

This past Tuesday we got a phone call. There was a house for rent. A house that was only a mile away from our church and therefore only a mile away from town. A decent-sized house that is only a little over a decade old. We called. It was still available. The rent was a chunk higher than what we pay now, but not out of our range. We could see it on Sunday.

We began praying a lot harder. We asked told God that if this was the house for us, it had to be perfect. The landlord had to be okay with us not paying a huge security deposit. Duke had to be able to stay. There had to be functioning appliances because our fridge and stove do not belong to us. We wanted it to be in good shape. We wanted it to be somewhat purty. And please, oh please, let there be a dishwasher and a larger shower.

We agreed before Sunday: if it did not have every single thing on our list, we would take it as a sign from God that this was not the place for us. You know how the story ends, because we are moving. But let me just brag on how good my God is for a few minutes, m'kay?

Y'all. I feel like I'm moving into a castle. A castle with a brand new dishwasher in it and a huge shower that lives inside of a gigantic bathroom. It has a double-door fridge. It has a stove. It even has an over-the-range microwave (something Roman has always wanted, but wasn't on the requirements list). It has a front-porch, a deck, and a concrete patio. It even has a playground for when we do have kids. It has a garage. It has a darn gate with a motor in it so we can be all fancy and type in our pass-code and it opens for us. It even has a jacuzzi. It has TWO walk-in closets between the master bedroom and master bathroom. Not to mention the walk-in pantry, coat closet, two other closets, and a storage room that you can access from the deck. And the place is just beautiful. It's far back enough on the dirt road that you can't hear the highway traffic, yet still only a mile away from town. But out the back you see nothing but pastures, a couple houses, and a pond, so it feels like you are way far away from civilization. And the neighbors are really quiet.

I thought I was going to cry for joy in front of our new landlord while she was showing us everything. Sure, there are a couple of scratches in the floor and on the wall. But I just felt God saying, "All this is for you baby girl. How could you ever doubt My love for you?"

Our bedroom even has blue carpet, which is not my favorite color, but it's funny because our current house has blue carpets in the guest bedroom. Coincidence? I don't think so. As soon as I saw the carpet, I knew that we were going to be living there before I had even seen the rest of the house. I just knew it would work.

She will work with us on the security deposit. She's cool with Dukey-face and Ralph and Lauren. There is a pool next door that the neighbors don't care if we use. We even have the option of buying the house one day if we want. She even said something like this: "I'm excited that y'all are excited. I just hope that this is the place God had lined up for you guys and that you will decide to live here." It took everything in me to not straight-out cry for joy when she said that. She had no idea we had prayed for this very house.

We were worried that our current landlord would want a full 30-day notice, and we wanted to move in by September 1st. He was totally cool with the September 1st deadline, which was just one more cherry on top for us.

We meet our new landlord on Friday to sign a contract and get the keys. Even though we aren't set to begin living there until September 1st, she's going to let us go ahead and start moving stuff in, which is great because it will make things a lot less hectic for us.

Can I please get a round of applause for my God? *clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap* I mean, seriously, He has really lavished some blessings on us this past week. He gave us everything we asked for and more. He just blows my mind with how awesome and good He is.

And to top everything off, Roman has an interview this Wednesday for a full-time job!!!!

Now let me just say this: I don't think any of this would have happened if we had not been faithful to Him. Roman and I have gone above and beyond our tithes since before we were even married. We gave when we had plenty. We gave when our parents were buying our groceries because we were so broke. The Bible is very clear: if you want the blessings of God to rain down, you have to be faithful first. And the Bible also tells us to pray very specifically for our needs and desires, which we also did.

Now, I am not saying that if you are faithful in your tithing that you will get a really nice house complete with a jacuzzi and new dishwasher, but I am saying that you absolutely cannot expect to get blessed if you are not being faithful to God. And you can't be throwing your tithes in the plate while telling God "okay, give me my blessing." We did not expect God to do anything for us. We were content to stay in our little trailer indefinitely. We had hoped that would not be the case, but we were content. But God showed up in a really big way and dumped a huge shower of blessing on us when we were totally not expecting it. And that's pretty awesome in my opinion.

I am so happy that I serve a God who loves His children. Sure, we go through hard times. Really hard times. Just read this post that I wrote just last week. Life is definitely messy and hard....but it is also really beautiful and great. And I am happy to say that God has brought Roman and I through a really tough time and has taken us to a green pasture for a moment where we can rest. No really, there are green pastures in our backyard that I will probably stare at for a good long time while drinking my sweet tea.

So even though we are being rule breakers and having two life-changing events at the same time, I have more peace about the craziness that is about to begin than I have in months. I am actually excited about turning my house upside down and driving back and forth to our new place a trillion times with car-fulls of stuff. Because I know this is part of God's intricate plan. And I can't wait to see what He does next.

And I'm just really excited to finally use a dishwasher. Oh happy day, I get a dishwasher!! One more round of applause for the God who gives me a dishwasher. *clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."                                             ~Matthew 6:25-34

Honesty is the Best Policy...

This is going to be the most brutally honest and vulnerable post I have written so far. To be honest, I'm nervous about posting it for the whole wide world to read (not that the whole wide world reads my blog....but you get the point). But I feel like if this one post can help someone else, then perhaps some good will come out of it. So if you are afraid of things that are emotional then I suggest you go to another Internet page. Because this baby has got all sorts of emotions.

This morning I broke. I broke on Sunday morning during the alter call. And I broke again today. Sunday was one of those crying-until-you-have-no-more-tears-left sort of things and today would have been had I not been at work. Instead today was a cry-a-little-bit-and-then-fix-your-makeup-so-no-one-else-will-know kind of days. You women know what I'm talking about. You men probably think I'm crazy. I'm okay with that.

If you read my post yesterday, then you have a bit of an idea of what's going on. If you didn't read it yesterday, here is a quick synopsis: Roman was going to go back to school for one more class. We thought this was God's plan so he could get his dream job. Apparently we were wrong because he can't get a student loan and we can't pay for  school out of pocket. So now we are back to square one.

If it was just the job/class thing, then that would be fine. But there is so much other crazy stuff happening in our lives. I have had a pinched nerve in my back for two weeks now. I can't run. I can't sleep well. I can't even sit comfortably on the couch. It has gotten to be ridiculous and aggravating.

I am starting a new job in two weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am excited and happy....but I am also incredibly OCD human and I hate change. So with the excitement and happiness comes a great deal of stress. And then to top it off, I found out yesterday afternoon I have an interview for another job on Tuesday. So now I'm stressing out because I don't know what I'm going to do if I get offered that job as well. And I'm also stressing out because interviews are stressful to begin with.

On top of this, Roman and I are going to looka house on Sunday to rent. Again, very exciting, but very nerve-wracking. Mostly because our budget is going to be pretty tight if we do it unless Roman finds a full-time job soon. But it is beautiful and everything we want, which makes the decision hard.

And I totally bombed the worship service this past Sunday. Or at least, I felt like I did. I couldn't find the melody. Somehow what I practiced sounded nothing like what actually got played. So I felt like a total failure on that one. Which leaves me really nervous about this Sunday.

And then there are all the other things in life: a tight budget, a cruddy air conditioner, a dog who chewed up a pillow last night, and the fact that I ruined dinner last night. Yes, these are petty things. But petty things add up. And when the petty things add up to the big things.....well, life is just messy sometimes.

As of this morning, I was still handling things somewhat well. Until I walked back to the break area to get some coffee. I generally don't drink coffee. But I didn't sleep well last night and I needed a little bit of caffeine to keep my eyes open.

There was a co-worker back there. He pointed to my belly and asked if I was pregnant.

Y'all. I am a kind person. I am generally patient with people. But that man does not realize how close he came to being slapped in the face. I laughed it off. Got my coffee. I even talked with him like I wasn't offended at all (which was only by the strength of God). And then I came back to my desk and tried to shove everything back down. I joked with two of my friends about the comment, trying to turn it into a joke and make it not so painful. And then after about an hour and a half of trying to shove and play off the hurt, I just broke. That was the last straw.  

Life is just so messy sometimes. And Satan loves to kick us while we are down. I think it is his most favorite thing to do in the whole wide world.....kick Christians in the face while they are already down.

I had every intention of creating busy work for myself to get my mind off of everything. But somehow my hand wound up reaching for some sheets of paper and a pen. I started writing a letter to God. I normally write in my prayer journal, but I didn't have it with me today. So He got a letter written to Him on two pieces of printer paper. I felt like He wanted me to be honest. And so I was. I am so glad that our God allows us to come boldly to His throne, otherwise I'd be in a lot of trouble (Hebrews 4:16).

I rarely let anyone read my prayer journal. Even my husband. But today, I am going to post what I wrote. I am not asking for your sympathy. I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me. I am asking that if you know of someone else who might be going through something like this that you show them this post, because if one person can benefit from what I'm going through, it will make it all worth it. That is truly my intentions with this post, because I know people go through a lot of junk like this sometimes. I think a lot of times we Christians cram stuff deep inside of us and don't let others see what we are going through, and that is not good. I believe we need to let other people see our struggles so that they know they are not alone. We can't act like everything is perfect all of the time. So that is what I am doing. I am showing you guys that sometimes we get knocked down, and that is okay. Life is not always great, and that is normal....

Deep breath. Here we go.

"Lord, I am trying to hold on. But I feel my grip is weakening. I do not know what You are doing, what the plan is. My mind is so tired. I wish I could just have some time to think of nothing. Gosh, I need another cruise. Even in my sleep my mind is running! Everything feels like a hurricane. I have this interview on Tuesday. What do I do if I get the job? Which one do I choose? What about this house? Do we take it? Can we really afford it? And the worship team....are You sure I can do this? I am not so sure anymore. I'm not so sure I have the talent or the energy. The biggest question of them all.....what about Roman? Lord, I need him to find a job! I feel like I'm a terrible wife because it seems like I have so much on me. He is frustrated God. He wants to step up and support me. I am begging You to please let him!
I am so weary Lord. All of these questions, all of these uncertainties. God, I can't breathe! I just want some rest from all of this. How much longer do we have to go in this? We have trusted You. We have put our hope in You. We have been faithful to You. You have been faithful to us. I know You will provide. I just need something. Anything. Some sort of encouragement.
People tell us these Christian phrases like "just trust Him" or "He will do something in His time". I need some meat. I need something more than that. I know all of that stuff. I know they are trying to help. But that is not helping. It just makes me upset.
I feel like I'm just getting squeezed on all sides. I'm not sure there is a single area in my life where the pressure is absent. Even my stinking dog keeps eating my pillows! I mean, what in the world is going on?
I refuse to retreat. I refuse to back down. But I fear my grip is slipping. I am afraid that I am about to fall. I said I would walk through the fire. I still will. But can the heat turn down for a little while so I can get some rest? I can't even run to burn off some of this anxiety because I can't move! And then to add insult to injury I apparently look pregnant today.

I just have so much to do all of the time. And all I want to do is sleep. All I want to do is get away from it all. You have certainly taken Your lover into the desert and surrounded her with thorns. I am trying to be still so that I can hear Your voice and let You work. But I want nothing more than to break free and haul butt into the city. To just get away from all of this. But running away is not the answer. It may bring temporary relief, but it would damn my soul to hell. So I will continue trying to settle down. To not be afraid of the thorns. And then I hope to hear Your beautiful voice speak gently and softly to me. And maybe, perhaps my soul will find the rest I long for. (Hosea 2)

You are beautiful.

You are majesty.

You are faithful.

Thank You for listening. Thank You for letting me be so bold with You. Thank You for what You are doing, even though I can't see it right now. Search my heart and cleanse it. Purify any thoughts or feelings that are not of You.

My hope is in You, Lord.

I will not depart from this path You have laid before me.

I am trusting in Your faithfulness.

And I will, as patiently as possible, wait for Your Hands to guide us to the next step.

Hedge us in. Shield us from any attacks. Purify our marriage. Grow our love for each other. Keep us on the right track so the enemy has no room in our marriage. And Lord, give him some strength and peace as well.

I love You. We love You. You are good. You are mighty so save. You are faithful. You are our King. You are our Lord. Thank You."



So that's it. I basically threw up all of my emotions onto two pieces of paper. In the middle of a work day. And that's okay. It is totally necessary sometimes to come boldly to the throne of God and tell Him how you feel. He doesn't want a fake relationship with us. He wants all of us....the good, the bad and the ugly.

No, I did not hear a loud booming voice from heaven after I finished writing this. No, my back did not suddenly get healed. No, Roman did not get a phone call with a job offer. But yes, I do feel a little bit better after spilling my beans to God. Yes, I do feel like He heard me.

And for now, that is enough. Because I know the troubles in this life are only temporary. And I know that God is working and moving, even though I can't see it right now. And I do feel like there will be a relief coming soon. I know He will not make us wait forver. 

Life is awfully messy. A lot of churches speak a lie that goes something like this: "Become a Christian and all your problems will be solved." That is simply not true. Sometimes I wonder if being a Christian and running after God gives you more problems in this life. BUT, being a Christian gives you a strange peace and strength to run through the fire that you would never have if you weren't running after God. There is a strange peace that comes with not knowing what in the world is going on, because in your heart you know that God has it all under control. Because He does. He names the stars and knows every creature that breathes. And He holds each of our little lives in His hands and weaves us into His plan. So even though me and Roman's lives are every bit of the definition of chaos right now, I am strangely okay with it. I will have emotional break downs sometimes. We all will. But at the end of the day, I am okay. We are all okay.

So for all of you out there that I know are going through similar junk in your lives.....it is okay. It is okay to have a complete crying break-downs at work. It is okay to write or speak to God and let Him know how you feel. But once you get it out, keep pressing on. I will not lie to you, it will be hard. It will be messy. And you will be tired....but He's got you. He's working. Even when we see nothing and we feel nothing, He's still working and He's still there. Rest in that knowledge. Go get some coffee and settle in, because He's crafting a story out of our lives that is truly out of this world. And that's pretty cool.

I will leave you with one of my most favorite sections of verses out of the whole Bible. A true comfort at times like these....

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."                                             ~Matthew 6:25-34

Ummm....Surprise?

And sometimes, things come up from nowhere and surprise you.



.....................................................................


Roman was supposed to go back to school this semester for one more class. He missed out on a job opportunity this past spring because he was missing a class. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that Roman didn't have a job yet because God wanted him to return to school to get this class so he could get a job in Moultrie. We were at peace with that. We were okay with that.

And then BOOM!!!

The whole plan implodes on itself and you're standing in the middle of it all going ..."huh?"

Roman went to financial aid today to increase his student loan. He had maxed out on the HOPE scholarship and had a small student loan from last semester. We figured we'd just increase it to pay for this last class.

My phone rings. It was Roman. Apparently, there is no option of a student loan for him because he is already graduated. He would have to enroll in a new degree and take six hours worth of classes (the class he needs is only four) to get a student loan. The only way he's going back to school is if we pay the $1,000 + up front (which in case you haven't figured out already, we can't afford). The option of going back to school is off the table (unless we get a check in the mail by Monday for over $1,000).

Um......surprise?

So now my husband and I are left wondering what in the world God is up to. It is strange how you can be so sure of what God's plan is only to have a change of plans. This is the second time this year that this has happened to us. It definitely throws you for a loop, that's for sure. But I know God has something up His sleeve and I'm still going to trust that He knows what He's doing.

Sheeeesh. I don't know how people make it through life without Jesus. Seriously.

So yea.....pray for us some more?   ;)

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me."                                          ~Jeremiah 29:11-13

Sometimes We Just Need a Reminder....

We silly humans are awfully forgetful. We forget where we put our keys. We forget about appointments. We forget we already have something scheduled and then schedule something else and then have to profusely apologize to people for having to re-schedule. We forget where we parked our car. We forget our grocery list at the house. And even though it seems silly, we forget that God loves us. A whole bunch.

I suppose I have just been in a forgetful mood lately. I have forgotten where I parked at work. And it seems like I have lost my phone in my house at least daily. These are all minor inconveniences, but my recent forgetfulness about God's love is a pretty big deal. Because forgetting that can really put you in a hard place really fast. 

We all go through rough times. We all have times where we feel like God is very far away. We all have moments where we find ourselves so unworthy of His love and wonder how He can care so much. And we all forget how much we are worth to God sometimes. I've definitely been guilty of that lately.

Life has been crazy. Between Roman's job hunt, taking over as the lead singer for our praise team, switching to a new job, hurting my back real bad, and life in general.....well, let's just say that I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed these past few days. And let me pause to say, it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed with life sometimes. But one of the worst things we can do when we are feeling overwhelmed is allow Satan to have a field day in our minds.

I can say this about myself: Satan loves to make me feel like I'm not enough. And for whatever reason, I have a bad habit of listening when those thoughts start playing through my mind. And when I start to think that I'm not good enough, I start doubting God's love for me.

I know that I am not alone in this.

Yesterday I was getting ready to park my car and go back inside from my lunch break. Just as I was about to open the door, God stopped me and whispered into my heart just one word. "Listen." I knew that voice. My heart flopped for a second. My hand came down from the handle. I turned up the radio.

The hosts on K-Love were interviewing some scientist dude. But this scientist dude was a Christian dude who studied the skies and the universe and saw the glory of God in big huge ways. I think he had written a book or something....not really sure because I missed the beginning. But I heard the one thing I needed to hear (paraphrased): "Scripture tells us that God names the stars. I study the stars. I see galaxies of stars every day. If God has named each and every one of those stars, do we really think that His love is any less than the glory of His creation? Can we not look at the beauty around us and understand that God loves us even more? We are so small in this huge creation of His, but He loves us more than all of the stars and the trees and the oceans and everything else we see. And I think it breaks His heart when we fail to realize the depth of His love."

How profound is that?? It was exactly what my worn down little heart needed to hear. My spirit was revived and I felt a new freshness wash over me.


Later that evening I had to pick something up from my mom's house. Before I got out of my car when I got back home, I prayed something like this:

"Lord, I am sorry that I have forgotten how much You love me. Please re-ignite my passion for You. All I want to do is make You proud and do the work You have called me to do. I know that sometimes I will fall and sometimes I will make mistakes, but just keep me going strong. Give me Your strength and Your heart."

And then, I made a declaration to the enemy (because whether we realize it or not, the enemy can hear and understand our words):

"Satan, I will not walk around this mountain again with you. I will not take you by the hand and listen to your insults. I will not feel small. I will not feel insignificant. I will not go around this mountain again where I stay knocked down for days while you trample my heart. My God will pick me up and carry me over this mountain, and He will crush your head. I am not walking around this mountain again with you. Go away."

I am inviting each of you to do the same if you are struggling with something like I was. My sweet friends, God loves us more than we know. He cares about everything in our lives: from our hangnails to our jobs to our futures. Sometimes He will feel far away. Sometimes things will get hectic and a little bit scary. But God still loves us and cares for us regardless of what's happening in our surroundings.

Satan, we will not walk around this mountain with you. We will strive to learn more about God's love and embrace His love, rather than run from it. We will take our place in His kingdom as His hands and feet and share His love with others.



Oh Lord, forgive our unbelieving hearts. Ignite that spark....ignite that passion for You in all of us.


"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it."                                                                     ~Psalm 139:13-14

Jump on the Wagon

Well, Roman and I have been doing lots of talking...and we've decided we are going to jump on the wagon.

The clean eating wagon. Or at least.....try to jump.

After hours of research and reading over the past few months(on my part) and Roman listening to me re-tell all of the excruciating details I've been researching and reading, we have come to the conclusion that we are going to attempt the clean-eating thing.

No, this does not mean that we will now be growing our own chickens and raising our own cows (even though if we had the time we totally would just for "fun"). No, this does not mean that I will never ever eat chocolate again for the rest of my life (a.k.a. "impossible). And no, this does not mean that we will never ever go out to eat ever or refuse to eat dinner at friends and relatives houses.

It does mean that we're going to be eating a whole lot more fruits and veggies. It does mean that I'm going to do my best to buy all-natural and organic meats. It does mean that Hamburger Helper is being banished from our house (can't say I'm sorry). And it does mean that when we do go out to eat we will be ordering as healthy as possible.  

But this will hopefully also mean that we sleep better, have more energy, and live a lot longer with a lot less sickness.

In America it seems like everyone knows someone with cancer (probably more than one person), diabetes, heart disease, or some other major disease. I can't help but wonder how much of our current sicknesses are caused by all of the junk we have in our food.

Hmmmm....let's try and put it this way. The daily recommended sodium intake for women is 2,300 mg according to the U.S. Departments of Agriculture and Health and Human Services. One of my most favorite foods in the whole wide universe is Velveeta Shells n' Cheese. It has 870 mg of sodium per serving (not to mention 360 calories) and I will easily eat two servings for dinner. So with just one side I eat over half of my daily recommended amount of sodium and half of my daily recommended caloric intake!! I could provide a gazillion other examples....but I think you catch my drift.

Many people say that eating clean is way too expensive, so I'm going to be doing a little test for you guys. So far I have spent $27 in August on groceries (on clean items only I have bought some other non-clean groceries before we made our decision). This included all of the fruit that me and Roman will eat for the next two weeks (I cut it up and froze it last night so it will last). Today I spent another $18 on some vegetables and some other items like olive oil and sea salt (not something I would buy every trip). All I have left to get is some chicken and we will be set on groceries for the next week and a half-ish. So, I'm going to be tracking my grocery bill for this month and then I'll compare it to last month.

But honestly, I don't care if we spend a little bit more on groceries by eating clean. The health benefits far outweigh the cost in my book. I'm going to miss some foods like biscuits and fried chicken, but I'm going to be gaining so much more. And it's not like we can't go back to our old ways if things don't work out.

And seriously guys, please don't think me and Roman are going to be jumping off of a cliff here. I'm not going to be spending all of my time researching where Wal-Mart gets their fruits from so I can find out whether they use pesticides on their farm. I'm just going to wash the fruit really well and peel it before I eat it. And I won't be joining PETA. I will still enjoy my hormone/antibiotic/steroid-free chicken and beef, thank you.

So how does this whole thing work? It's actually pretty simple. The main rule is to shop the perimeter of the grocery store. This is where you'll find the majority of the "good for you" stuff like fruits, veggies and meats. Of course, you'll have to go down some isles to find things like whole grain rice and olive oil and spices and such, but for the most part you shop the perimeter. The only other main rule is to read those labels! Basically if it comes in a box you can assume it's been processed and therefore contains harmful chemicals. Another basic rule of thumb is if it has more than three ingredients it's probably not good for you. For instance, my olive oil has this ingredient: olive oil. My plain Dannon yogurt has this ingredient: Cultured grade A milk. And my brown rice has this ingredient: Whole Grain Brown Rice.

My Velveeta Shells n' Cheese has these ingredients: Enriched Macaroni Product (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Ferrous Sulfate [Iron], Thiamin Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Cheese Sauce (Milk, Whey, Water, Canola Oil, Milk Protein Concentrate, Sodium Phosphate, Salt, Contains Less than 2% of Sodium Alginate, Lactic Acid, Oleoresin Paprika [Color], Natural Flavor, Cheese Culture, Enzymes, Annatto [Color], Sorbic Acid as a Preservative). Contains: wheat, milk

That's a whole paragraph of stuff that's bad for you.....ouch.


Pretty simple, huh?

A few other things I've learned....

Don't buy anything that says "enriched whole wheat". This means it has had things added to it and taken away from it. It's not any good for you.

Eggs are your best friend. Seriously. They're low in calories, have good cholesterol, and are an excellent source of protein. Eat as many egg whites as you want, but don't consume more than 7 yolks in a week.

Because of how popular clean eating is becoming, there are like a trillion "clean" recipes out there. They even have one for "clean" macaroni n' cheese (hallelujah)!!

One of our other reasons for doing this goes along with the health benefits thing, but in a way that others may not agree with us. We humans have added a whole lot to God's creation. We've tried to determine when we're going to have kids by creating birth control. We've figured out how to preserve foods by adding preservatives and other chemicals. And we've added countless medicines to "fix" everything from depression to sleep trouble to allergies. I'm not saying all of this is necessarily bad (I love my allergy medicine!), but I do believe that when God created the earth He gave us everything we needed to live a healthy life.....and I would like to try living off of what He created and cut out what man has created (as much as possible). Because sometimes we just create stupid things....like chicken filled with antibiotics and steroids, and birth control, and anti-depressants. It's cool if you disagree with me, but this has been something that God has been leading me to for quite a while now, so when my husband brought the subject up again this past weekend we took the hint and are going to give it a try.

And my fridge/freezer was literally empty anyways....so why not give it a shot with the new groceries? It's not like I'm going to be throwing out a bunch of food in an attempt to get clean. We only have one container of leftovers that is not clean (and yes, we will eat it because I am not going to throw away food because I am a tightwad). Other than that, we will be making a clean start (pun intended).

So that's about it. I've got the ingredients to try two different clean recipes. One is for sweet potato tater tots (baked, not fried) and the other is for salsa chicken (cooked in a crock pot). And I've already had my "clean" fruit smoothie this morning using the frozen fruit I cut up yesterday. I will definitely be keeping you posted on how all of this works for us!

PS: a lot of stuff I've been talking about here was originally posted at http://www.heandsheeatclean.com/. This website is by two Christian couples that actually live in Georgia. They have tons of recipes and information if you want to learn more!  :)

"The land produced vegetation-all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good."                                                                                                                     ~Genesis 1:12

Because I'm Lazy.....

Yup...that's my only excuse on why I haven't been writing this week. Because I've been lazy. Really lazy. As in, I have no more clean glasses to drink out of or plates to eat off of because I haven't washed dishes all week plus there is a layer of dog fur covering my floor because I haven't swept all week either....that kind of lazy. Yes, it's true. The OCD girl that is constantly organizing and cleaning and organizing and cleaning and well, you get the point....that girl has been a bum this week. And I'm proud of it! Sometimes, we all just have to be a bum for a few days. I mean, sheesh, God rested so why shouldn't I? Even though God rests one day a week and so far I've rested every day of the week. Oops. I'm going to stop justifying why I have not been pursuing my wifely duties and just get on with the post.

So anyways, here's a little update on what we've been up to, new things that are going on, and I may even go down a little rabbit trail on what's been on my heart lately....I haven't decided yet. (So yea, I have absolutely no plan for what I'm going to write. Ever.)

*Ahem* Onward!

So Saturday evening we went to my other parent's house (a.k.a. my in-laws house) with some friends to go swimming. This is what we saw on our way out there. Can you say gorgeous?? My little smartphone soooo could not capture the full beauty of it. I think I took over 20 pictures in the five minute ride out there. I just couldn't get over how pretty it was. I'm hoping I can print some of these and frame them one day. How awesome is our God? I mean, come on, He painted all of this!! Pretty awesome in my book.

These pictures just remind me how much I L-O-V-E living in the country. All of the open fields and trees plus beautiful sunsets like this are just breathtaking. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

In other news, church on Sunday went great (in my opinion). In case you missed it, I wrote about my doubts in this post here as Sunday was the first service with me leading the worship. It was honestly a great feeling and a great experience. I was nervous, but for the most part I was able (with God's assistance) to conquer those nerves and press through. It was really encouraging for me to see God working through our worship team and to feel Him move in our service. And we had a great sermon as well. So all around, Sunday was just a really great day.

The only downside to this past week has been my battle with my back. In case you have not heard, my accident-prone self has managed to pinch not one, not two, but three nerves in my lower back. It started out as just a little bit of back pain that was totally manageable. But Sunday afternoon things quickly went downhill. So I have not ran since Thursday, and I have not gone to the gym at all this week since my doctor has ordered me to sit down and give my back time to heal. (Another reason perhaps why I have not cleaned my house this week??) But, I'm honestly not that worried about it. I know God's got my back (pun definitely intended) and when He decides it is time for me to be healed, I will be healed. Until then, I will continue to make funny faces and make strange noises every time I move and you people will just have to get over it.  0:)

In other news, (I seriously feel like I'm switching into news reporter mode.....only I'm not a serious news reporter who only talks about natural disasters and war...) I have a new job!!! Woo hoo!!! I'm going to write up a detailed post probably next week about how God has worked, but really guys....this whole ordeal has definitely had God's hand on it. It is awesome to look back over the chain of events and see where He has been guiding and directing me to this point in my life. I am really excited to start my new trabajo (sorry, switched to Spanish mode....that would be job) at the end of this month. (And for my family and friends, no worries...I'm not getting out of government employment....just switching to another division.) *insert professional voice here* We will be back next week with more details on these important developments.

In case some of you forgot, this past Tuesday was the day for all of us to act on our civil duties and vote. Like any good parent, we brought our child along in order to teach him to be a good, responsible civilian. Here he is, watching his Dad come out of the building after casting his vote.

I tried to explain to him the importance of voting....but he kept getting distracted by the birds flying and the people walking around. Sheesh....kids these days. They just don't understand all of the important things we adults do. Hopefully I've planted a seed though, and when he reaches the right age he will understand just how important his vote for civil servants and new legislation is.

And now, for the final topic on this morning's episode, I'd like to share a little something that straight up rocked my world last night. Yes, it's a big deal. In case you haven't read in other posts, the women's group in our church are doing a study by John Bevere called "Under Cover". Seriously guys, this whole series has rocked my world and we still have 7 more episodes to go. Not sure how much more rocking of worlds this home girl can take, but I'm excited. As in, after-we-get- done-I'm-going-to-buy-the-DVD-series-and-watch-it-again-at-home-and-buy-his-book-and-read-it-at-least-seven-times excited. So if you haven't figured it out yet, I highly recommend you guys check it out. He wrote a book and then also came out with a Bible study complete with a DVD. (And in case anyone from the legal realm reads this, no, I was not paid or given any kind of perk to say all of this....the series is just that good. So stop looking for legal issues and just go buy it already. Goodness.)

Anyways....back on the trail....the whole series (which is really good, you should check it out) is ultimately about obedience to God. Why we should be obedient, what happens when we aren't, being obedient to the authorities He has placed over us, etc. Last night we were talking about being obedient/honoring/respecting the authority that God has placed in our lives. We were discussing the need for us to realize that God places all leadership -both good and bad- over us for a reason and that He is 100% in control of each and every situation. There was a lot of good stuff in there, but here is the statement that he made that blew me away (I'll have to paraphrase it because I forgot to bring the handout with me). God does not want to cause you any harm. He does not desire for any harm to come to you. But where we get confused is God's definition of harm. God looks at harm in the spiritual and eternal sense, not in the present physical sense.

Oh. My. Goodness. Be. Still. My. Soul. That one statement right there made my heart soar and made so many things click into place. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are saints martyred? Or in my own life, why hasn't my husband found a job yet? Why are we still stuck in a trailer with a cruddy air conditioner in the middle of the summer? Because God cares more about our eternal souls than our present physical comfort. Now, please don't misunderstand me here. God wants us to be successful and He wants us to have a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. But sometimes we go through things....sometimes we go without the success and the roof and the food because our physical pain and trials impact the eternal realm. The Israelites had to be enslaved for four-hundred years so God could humble the most powerful nation in the world and therefore make His name great among millions. Martyrs were are brutally murdered so the gospel can spread throughout the nations. We go through trials that take us way beyond our comfort zone so that our eternal souls can grow in our relationship with Him.

So yes, God does care about our physical comfort. But he cares more about our souls. That's not to say that all bad things that ever happen to us are from God, because we live in a fallen world and sometimes cruddy things just happen. But it does mean that in each and every situation...awesome or terrible...the Hand of God is there and He is working and moving to glorify His name and draw people to Him. I don't know about you guys, but that is powerful and that is liberating. That gives me the strength to press on through the hard times because these hard times are not meaningless. These hard times are going to be used to better me and to save some lost folks.

And so, let me put on my boots and say something that may or may not probably will change my world....big stuff here guys.

Yes Lord, I will walk through the fire if You want me to. Because I know that fire has a purpose for me and a purpose for Your kingdom. And yes Lord, as much as I hate being uncomfortable in the physical here-and-now, I care a whole lot more about my soul and everyone else's souls than I care about my comfort. So I will volunteer to walk through that fire every day if that is what needs to be done to glorify Your name. And I know that You will be right there beside me, every step of the way, fashioning the future according to Your plan.

Dang...things just got serious folks. But really, search your own heart. Understand this walk with God really is not about us and our comfort. It really is all about His name and His glory and His kingdom. Are you willing to walk through that fire? Or do you want that bigger house and nice car more than heaven? I can tell you from my own personal experience, it is so much more gratifying to run after God than to run after the world. Even in the hard times when your back hurts real bad and you're real tired and the economy stinks and your husband can't find a full-time job and it's 90 degrees in your house and your dog eats the pillows on the couch. And your sweater. And a tennis ball. Life is so much sweeter in the midst of all of these "first-world hardships" with Jesus by my side than having a perfectly clean new house with a new car sitting outside in my perfectly manicured yard but no Jesus by my side and no direction for my life. Trust me.



So that folks, concludes today's episode. Please join us for our next episode of "Life with the Casterlines". I love you guys (no really, I do). I hope you guys have a great weekend...today is my Friday because I'm off work tomorrow (hallelujah). So a great weekend is definitely in store for this girl!  ;)

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe."                                          ~Ephesians 1:17-19