Thursday, January 3, 2013

Ladies: Don't be a Husband Basher

The last part of this post is (in every way) intended to make you gag but to make my husband smile. Definitely read the beginning of it though, it’s important and I promise will not prompt any gagging!  ;)
Yesterday afternoon, I read something very interesting on a blog. Not sure where it was (sorry!), but the basic premise of the article was this: God created marriage to be the image of Christ’s love for His church. Satan cannot directly attack God, so Satan is going to attack the next best thing: the image of Christ and His love for the church. Therefore, Satan is constantly trying to gain a foothold in your marriage. Because if he can destroy your marriage, then he destroys the world’s view of God and His love for us.
That is profound to me. And how true it is! Today, the church has higher rates of divorce than the secular world. Not so coincidentally, the church (in America at least) seems to be falling apart as our nation spirals out of control: high divorce rates, homosexuality, abortions, ruthless murders….we live in a godless society today. Satan seems to be succeeding.
But we can still win this fight, because we have God on our side! He surely does not desire for His church (and His image) to be the laughing stock of society, and He certainly does not desire for our marriages to fail. It is time for us to take an active role and push back against the enemy’s attacks!
Last night in church, my Pastor’s sermon was about exactly what I had read earlier yesterday afternoon. So I could definitely hear God saying, “Pay attention! This is extremely important!”
I read yet again another article this morning called “Beware the Husband Basher”. (If you would like to read it, click here and scroll down until you see the title. It was posted yesterday.) This article related to me in a very big way, because I myself have been guilty of being a husband basher before…..and it usually happens when I’m out with a bunch of girlfriends. One girl will talk bad about her man, and before you know it the entire table is with the worst group of men that ever walked the earth. Then, as I drive home I begin pondering every little thing that Roman has ever done to aggravate me. By the time I get home, I’m in a bad mood and I’m snapping his head off….he just can’t do anything right. He’s not nice enough. He’s not romantic enough. He doesn’t talk to me enough. Blah blah blah. I go to bed huffing and puffing and he goes to bed wondering who peed in my cereal this morning. Sound familiar to anyone out there? I think we women probably run into this situation many times, even if we don’t realize it or won’t admit it. Our mouths get us in a lot of trouble. A LOT.
I used to think it was okay to whine a bit to your girlfriends about your husband’s vices. After all, you have to vent to somebody, right? But it didn’t take long for me to realize what this type of speech did to my marriage, and I started trying harder to keep my mouth shut when the male-bashing ensued.  I am still not perfect in this area, but after everything I’ve read and heard the past two days, I know that God is telling me to do even better. I never truly grasped what “husband-bashing” did: it gives Satan a direct foothold in my marriage. And I certainly don’t want that!!  
Now of course, there are times when you need to confide in someone you can trust when your husband is doing something wrong (for example, if he is having an affair or using porn). And even in the smaller things, you sometimes need to seek advice from someone you can trust (example: my husband watches TV too much, how do I confront him?). But in issues like that, it is more important than ever to try your best to show him respect. We wives are specifically called to respect our husbands, even when they don’t deserve it. Even when they really mess up and hurt us deeply. Even when they aren’t living a life worthy of respect. If we are to obey God, then we need to give our husbands respect in all situations….and one of the best ways we can do that is by lifting our husbands up when others are bashing their husbands. This doesn’t mean he’s perfect. This doesn’t mean he’s even living for God like he’s supposed to. But it does mean that we are honoring him with our words. After all, when do we ever see a nagging wife change her husband’s behavior? I’ll give you a hint: never. But when our husband knows he has our respect, well, that changes things. That makes it easier for them to listen when we confront them over an issue.  
After all, most of us are married to decent people. Sure, they may do gross things like pee on the toilet seat, but I’m pretty certain the vast majority of our husbands are not murderers and they do love us for who we are. And if we had to be honest with ourselves, we are not always the most pleasant people to live with either. We have our own little quirks and odd things that we do that frustrate the every-loving daylights out of our men. And how awesome would it make us feel if we heard them griping to their guy-friends over all of our bad traits? Not too great! I want my husband to gush about how wonderful I am to all of his friends, not divulge all of my faults. And so if I want to be treated that way, then I should have the decency to return the favor! After all, I did marry a really great guy, and he deserves to be bragged on!  ;)
So I will now introduce to you New Year’s Resolution #4:
Be intentional about lifting Roman up, especially when others are dragging their husbands down.
Game Plan: Pretty self explanatory….I always have good things to fall back on, even when we aren’t having a great day. Roman is incredibly kind and smart and always willing to help around the house when I ask him. And he’s a pretty sexy dude if I may say so! 
And now for the finale……Roman and I used to type love e-mails back in forth to each other way back in the early months of our relationship. I didn’t have a cell phone back then, so the only way we could communicate was either by telephone or e-mail. Yeah, I know, we had it rough. Haha. So as a tribute to those early days, and to get a jump-start on my New Year’s Resolution, here is a love letter to my better half. After all, I need to start 2013 off right! (Warning: here’s where it gets gushy…’ve been warned. Haha.)
To my Roman-face,
I remember the first time I met you. It was right after my mom had a dream about a tall, slender man with sandy blonde hair and clear blue eyes asking her if he could take me home from play practice….so I guess you could say I was on the lookout. Ha. We were pulling up at a mutual friend’s house for a surprise birthday party, and you walked across the yard in front of our car. “There goes a cute guy”, my Mom remarked. I blushed. Stephen poked fun. Dad shook his head and rolled his eyes. After all, Mom isn’t supposed to encourage Daddy’s baby girl to date! We didn’t really talk much that day. I mostly just stared at you and pretended not to stare at you when you looked my way. I didn’t see you for a long time after that, and I had all but forgotten about you when you walked into our church for a Homecoming service. I was singing a solo that day. I instantly recognized you and remembered what my Mom said about her dream several months ago. You made me ridiculously nervous. Thanks for that. Haha.
A few weeks later, you came back. Except you came because you wanted to ask another girl out. She didn’t like you. So naturally, a pretty blonde girl crossed your path and you decided you liked her better anyways (ahem, that pretty blonde girl was me….in case you didn’t know). We flirted. You chased me with a fly swatter. I was the perfect immature, smitten fifteen-year old girl, and you played the role of flirty, immature boy perfectly. When you left, one of your friends said that you wanted my phone number and asked if she could give it to you. I said no. She did it anyways. I later found out that she had told you I wanted her to give you my phone number, but was too shy to give it to you in person. You called me later that night and asked me if I liked you. I said yes and then hung up the phone real quick. I didn’t know whether you would think that was stupid or cute….but you were my first real “love interest”…..and I was clueless.
Thankfully, you decided my silly antics were cute. Over the next few months, we talked for hours on the phone. I got in lots of trouble for talking to you for hours on the phone. Ha. On New Year’s Eve, in the year of 2005, you asked me to be your girlfriend while we were standing in front of a bonfire. My heart soared. I said yes. You kissed me on the forehead when you left to go home. I think that’s why I love bonfires and kisses on my forehead so much. (Note: I only like kisses on my forehead if your name is Roman. If you’re a random guy, please don’t kiss my forehead. I will kick you where it hurts most.)
“Don’t worry Daddy, I’m sure we won’t last….after all, we’re only fifteen and he probably won’t like me for long.” I remember telling my Dad that later that night after telling him I was now your girlfriend. Little did I know, that kiss on the forehead was the first of many kisses to come….followed by the happiest day of my life on June 5, 2010 when I became your wife.
We’ve had our ups and downs, that’s for sure. Breaking up our senior year of high school was stupid of us. We did lots of stupid stuff, actually. I’m sure we will continue to make mistakes the rest of our lives. But we’ve done some pretty incredible stuff too, and I know the best is still yet to come. I know the road won’t always be easy. But I also know that God made us for each other, and that no matter what I will be yours and you will be mine….’till death do us part.
It’s exciting for me as your wife to see you grow into a man. I’ve known you since you were fifteen. I’ve watched you grow in your walk with God and become the leader of our household. I’ve watched you grow in maturity and in wisdom. I know God has something special planned for you, and that He is proud to see His son boldly take on the (sometimes difficult) task of being my husband. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished in life so far, and I am so glad that God chose me to be your help mate.
There are so many things that I could tell you! I am proud that you got a promotion at your job. Your work ethic (and your ability to get to work on time) has always made me proud. The promotion at work is just proof of how hard you work to provide for us. I’m so glad I have a husband that desires to provide for me. You are so devoted to our church as well, and it is such a peace of mind to know that in all of our decisions in life, you have asked God for wisdom and guidance. I know that no matter what decision we are facing, I can trust in your leadership and know that you are going to make the best decision for our family. You love me on my most difficult days….when I am sad or emotional or cranky…..sure, we have our moments. But you are quick to forgive, quick to ask forgiveness, and quick to move on and love me for who I am. You don’t hold my shortcomings over my head and push me to be someone I’m not. You also laugh at my jokes….even the lame ones. Which is a good thing because I’m pretty sure I’m more lame than I am funny. (This is when you say, “no honey, you’re always funny. I <3 your jokes.”) And it goes without saying…but I’m going to say it anyways…’re freakin’ sexy!!  ;)  I know that you are going to be a great father one day too!! I have no idea how I managed to score a guy like you. Actually, I do know: our marriage was ordained by God. And I owe God a super big favor (that I can never repay) for choosing me to “do life” with you!
As we enter into 2013, this will be the first New Year of our marriage without starting college courses. Yippee!! I’m so glad we’ve entered into this new season of life, and I’m excited about what our future holds. Even as we are walking through a struggle right now, I know that God is with us and God has a plan. And I also know that no matter what that plan is, I will have you by my side as my lover and my supporter. Life is so much easier knowing that I have God and that I have such a great husband who loves Him.
So thank you for choosing me to be your bride. Thank you for being a faithful husband….a man committed to making our marriage great. Thank you for being who you are, and for bringing so much joy into my life. I love you. I love you more each day. I love waking up next to you every morning….even though you let your alarm clock go off for what seems like forever before you turn it off. Haha. Actually, most mornings I wake up next to Duke. But you know what I mean. And I hope that I bring at least half as much joy to your life as you do to mine. Because I have a whole lot of happiness thanks to you.
With all my love,
Your Baby  (xoxoxo)
 PS: Wanna splurge and have steaks for dinner tonight?  ;)

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” ~Ephesians 5:33

1 comment:

  1. This is the post you were referring to: