Are You Sure God?

If you demanded that out of all of my favorite songs, I had to pick just one…..it would have to be Getting Into You by Relient K. I call this song my Theme Song for my life. I have posted a link to a video on YouTube so you can hear it, but in case you can’t I have also posted the lyrics below.  (lyrics are from www.azlyrics.com)

When I made up my mind

And my heart along with that

To live not for myself

But yet for God, somebody said

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

When I finally ironed out

All of my priorities

And asked God to remove the doubt

That makes me so unsure of these

Things I ask myself, I ask myself

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

[Chorus]

I'm getting into you

Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe

I'm getting into you

Because I've got to be

You're essential to survive

I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said

I kind of view you as a son

And for a second our eyes met

And I met that with a question

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

[Chorus]

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to

The kind of person you deserve to worship you

You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do, you say

“I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into”

[Chorus]

He said, "I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

This song so accurately explains how I feel sometimes. Sometimes I feel so small and insecure and I ask God silly questions like “Are You sure I’m the one You want?” “Are You sure You don’t want somebody else?”

It’s just so hard to understand sometimes why God would love someone like me. There are times where these feelings are just humility, like when we think about how truly great and holy God is compared to us. But there are other times when I think those feelings spring from something deeper. Something evil that has been planted by the enemy. Sometimes I think our lack of self worth comes from a feeling deep down inside that God could never truly forgive us and accept us the way we are. And that, my friends, is not an okay thing to have growing in your heart.

We are making a huge change (well, in my mind it’s huge) with the worship team at our church. Roman and I are the worship pastors, but Roman plays the drums and I sing harmony. God had been leading me towards the idea that I should be singing lead instead of harmony. So when my Pastor called a few days ago with the same burden on his heart, I knew this was something God wanted. At first I immediately accepted with no fear in my heart, but it didn’t take long for that cold icy feeling to wrap around my insides and squeeze the breath from my lungs.

You think I’m kidding. But I’m not.

After years of going to a school where I felt like I was never enough: never pretty enough, never thin enough, never rich enough…..well, let’s just say I don’t have the best self-esteem in the world. There have been days when I walked into a room and honestly believed that everyone in that room was automatically thinking how silly my hair looked and how my clothes didn’t match and how “not normal” I was. Thankfully, God gave me a loving husband, awesome friends and family, and has done a whole lot of healing on my damaged heart. But as the days went by after my Pastor’s phone call, some of those familiar thoughts came marching through my mind with a vengeance.

“You don’t sing good enough to lead those songs.” “You aren’t going to be able to lead a congregation in worship without fear.” “You don’t love God enough to truly worship Him.” “You don’t pray enough to be sincere.” “You aren’t going to be able to handle this.”

For a few days, I entertained those thoughts…until this morning, when God said “enough”. He opened my eyes to these false accusations. He assured me that I am the one He chose to do this job, which means He would surely equip me with the words to sing and the voice to do it. Didn’t I understand that my enemy was trying to stop me from doing God’s work? Didn’t I understand that if I backed down, I would be letting him win? And since I would be leading a whole congregation of people, the enemy’s victory would affect far more people than my own soul. So could I not see that obeying His request was absolutely necessary?? And I realized that I needed to repent of my disbelief and kick the enemy to the curb.

My dearest friends, the enemy likes to get in our heads any way that he can to prevent the work of God. When you start to have those accusing thoughts running through your mind, stop and evaluate them. Do they line up to something that God would say to you? I know for sure that those thoughts I was having last week were not from the voice of my Father. Unfortunately, it took a very clear voice from my Father for me to wake up and realize that the enemy was doing cartwheels in my brain.

We have a job to do, every single one of us. Yours will be different from mine, because each of us are unique. But as long as we continue to allow feelings of self-doubt and insecurity triumph in our hearts, we will never be able to truly accomplish what God has for us. Am I still a little nervous about leading the worship for our praise team? Yes! But I also recognize that God is going to be right there with me, helping me through each song. And as long as I’m there to glorify Him and to obey Him, that’s all He needs from me in order to move in our worship services.

So yes, God knows exactly what He’s getting into when He chooses us for His work. The beautiful thing is, He loves us just the way we are and wants to use us, regardless of our past!!