Thursday, March 7, 2013

Cat Problems

I am not a cat person. I like them alright….but give me a choice between owning a dog and owning a cat and I’ll choose the dog, thank you very much. But as most of you know, Roman and I have two cats: Ralph and Lauren. Lauren is a goofy little black cat….and Ralph is a devious huge stripe-y cat.
I love them both, I really do. But Ralph gets into trouble. All. The. Time. And the thing with cats…..well, you can’t really train them like you can a dog.
One of his favorite games to play is “Let’s see if I can run out of the door when they let the dog out.” If he manages to escape, he then likes to play his next favorite game: “Let’s hide under the front porch steps where they can’t get me, roll around in the sand, and hiss at everyone.” Cue the temptation to cuss. Also cue the temptation to leave the @#$!* cat outside to be eaten by that fox living close by. Oh, I kid….mostly. (CALM DOWN PETA)
We also have to keep our bedroom door closed at night now….because of RALPH. If we leave the door open, then he will find a way to take over BOTH of our pillows. And we have a king-sized bed guys. He’ll start walking back in forth. “Purrrr”…..“Purrrr”…..*steps on Sarah’s hair*…..“Purrrr”……*lays on Roman’s head* Cue more temptations to cuss, a mouth full of cat hair and a restless night.
Once I had a really nice, wicker basket by our front door to hold all our shoes. Ralph chewed it up. Then he taught Lauren how to chew it up. Then he taught Duke. I no longer have the shoe basket. In fact, I no longer have ANY wicker baskets because as soon as I get one he eats it….so I just quit trying.
But what aggravates me more than any of this is Ralph’s problems with food. He loves to eat the dog food….which is something cats can’t digest. He’ll run by Duke’s dog food bowl, grab a piece, and then go hide somewhere to finish eating it. I keep telling him I’m not going to care if he gets impacted and dies….but he doesn’t listen. Dumb cat. Never mind the dog food though, let’s talk about MY food. When cooking, you have to keep a constant eye on the food….leave a pot of food unattended and I guarantee Ralph will stick his face in it. And don’t even think about leaving bread anywhere on the counter. Once Roman and I bought a bag of hoagie rolls to use on our beach trip the next day; we left them on the counter top that night, only to wake up the next day to find Ralph had chewed through the bag and gnawed on all the rolls. *&$%@! cat.
So what I found this morning really shouldn’t surprise me….but it did. I bought two tomatoes last night at the grocery store because I’ve really wanted a tomato sandwich this week. They weren’t quite ripe yet, so I left them in a basket on the counter top with the bananas. Apparently, my cat likes tomatoes as well. I walk in this morning and pour my cup of coffee, and I just so happen to look over at the basket. “Hmmm…those tomatoes look weird. Don’t tell me they went bad over night.” *Picks up tomato* “RALPH! Why did you gnaw all over my tomatoes!!!!???!??!” Cue temptation to cuss and throw tomato at cat.
If you’re looking for me, I’ll be locked in my bedroom with the dog food and a new wicker basket, snacking on some rolls and tomatoes. &*$#@!*&$ cat.
“We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey him.”  ~Acts 5:32

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